Shi En's Writing - A Birthday Party

Dear All,

Shi En has written a great piece on A Birthday Party and I think we should read it and identify what are the parts that she has done right. :) Leave a comment for her composition!


A Birthday Party, by Shi En

"Mary, go get the balloons and streamers. We need to decorate the hall for your brother's birthday party," Mother's voice boomed across the living room. Mary and Mother were busy preparing food and decoration while Father hung the pinata in the balcony. Being the birthday boy, Eric felt on top of the world and he jumped around jubilantly while waiting for his friends to arrive.

Soon, the doorbell rang. Eric heard the doorbell and sprinted to the door excitedly. When he opened the door, he heard his friends cheered, "Happy birthday, Eric!" A smile cracked across Eric's face like sunbeam and delight was written all over his face. His friends had brought him presents of all shapes and sizes which were wrapped neatly with beautiful wrapping paper. Feeling on top of the world, Eric guided his friends to the garden. They spotted the fresh and beautiful flowers, and the trees swayed gently with the breeze. It was the perfect day to hold a birthday party!

Mother and Mary carried the trays of food and put it on the table while Father carried a three-tiered cake and placed it beside the food.  The cake was covered in chocolate icing and big bold words "Happy Birthday Eric!" was on the cake. Everyone cheered in exhilaration and broke into wide grins.The delicious aroma of food filled the air and soon every was eating hungrily. Tom and Dan, Eric's best friends, sneaked quietly towards the cake while Eric was eating and chatting with his friends merrily. The duo saw two toy swords beside the cake and became excited as those were the new models of swords that could change colours at a press of a button. As incessant giggles and lively chatter filled the air, Tom and Dan impishly started playing with the swords. 'Swish', 'Swosh'. Tom and Dan battled each other vigorously and waved their swords wildly.

To their horror, when Tom ducked just as Dan swung his sword at him, the sword hit the cake on the table and smashed onto the floor, ruined. Eric and his friends gasped in horror. "What have you done?" Eric yelled at the boys. Tom and Dan, who were tongue-tied, looked at Eric apologetically and muttered, "We are sorry, Eric. We didn't mean to..." By now, all eyes were fixed on the two boys. Eric's face turned red and tears flowed involuntarily. He tried to fight back his tears and buried his tear-stained face in his hands as he sniffed constantly. Embarrassment crept up Dan and Tom's ears and cheeks. Soon, the party was over.

Everyone went home with a heavy heart. Tom and Dan hung their heads in shame. They regretted their actions. Tears welled in their eyes as they knew how their actions had sadden their friend. It was an accident that would forever be ingrained in their memory. Tom and Dan learnt never to be careless again.